Mams

The other day, as I picked her up from work, I had a very interesting conversation with my mother. I had dropped her off earlier that morning so I could use the car during the day and had seen some of her coworkers walking toward the building. I had noticed that some of them were Indian. Their race, however, has little to do with the story.

In the car, my mom, who always drives due to her crippling fear of my driving, tells me about her coworker.

"So my Indian friend," she begins. Again, the race has nothing to do with the story, and I only mentioned it before to provide a context to her statement, I suppose.

"My Indian friend found her son looking at sex websites," she told me. That definitely got my attention. Why was she telling me this?

"And?" I replied, carefully and nonchalantly. I really hoped that she didn't ask about my personal viewpoints, even though I would probably tell her anyways.

"She said she caught her son looking at the websites, and she didn't know what to do about it," my mom continued.

"She doesn't have to do anything about it," I told her. "How old is her son?"

"He's a junior in high school," my mom replied.

"Oh," I said. "Then leave him alone. His hormones are raging and that's normal."

Of course, this begged the question, which I mentally begged her not to ask:

"Do you have that urge to look at those things?"

"No," I said (lying? haha). "I'm older now so I don't have those raging hormones anymore."

But no answer is ever enough for my ever-inquiring mother.

"Did you do it in high school?" she asked, to my chagrin.

Of course, it is these moments that I thank my quick wit.

"Of course not," I replied almost immediately. "I had a girlfriend."

My mom laughed, but I could tell it wasn't going to end.

"That's disgusting," she said.

"Tell your friend that she has to choose, right? It's either those websites or her son getting a girlfriend. I think from a parent's point of view, the choice is obvious."

"So you're saying you didn't look at those bad websites?" she asked.

My reply was again immediate.

"Why settle for digital when I can have the real thing?"

My mom paused.

"Don't tell those things. I think I'm going to vomit."


Ironically, if my mom told me that, I would feel the same way. Love your parents, guys. They're just like you, except older.