Long are the Days, Dreary are the Night

I'd like to take this moment to thank the academic deities for scheduling my finals earlier than everyone else's.

It gives me a chance to gloat and play as my friends toil away at their tests.

That being said, I'm definitely hitting up the library on Monday. Their computers are faster than mine, and I can get a lot more done on Restaurant City.

I feel like I have more to say, but really. Now that finals are over, I'm back to being bored and lazy...Wait, nothing's changed.

Like my new layout?

These Are the Words of a Gentleman

I vow that this will be my last blog until finals are over.

Today, I completed three course evaluations. This is not including the online evaluation I took for Physics yesterday, so you can imagine my chagrin when the third form was handed to me, a scowl chiseled upon my normally squinty-eyed face.

All in all, I gave good reviews for my classes, except one.

It's a one unit course that I need to take to stay in the Honors program. I spent more time than anyone else in my class because I wanted the department to understand the strong feelings I have for the course and the lack of respect I have for the department in general.

I told them exactly what I thought, and the words I used were exactly as follows:

"What improvements could be made for this course? What were your general feelings for this course? Be as specific as necessary.

Well, Honors Department, judging by the lack of quality in the reading material, I can only give a positive review for the seminar-styled course. Where else can you go but up? When a class such as this gets approve by a board, it gives me hope to know that I have experienced the worst of the worst, and that future classes can only improve from the abomination that is Honors Seminar. Thus, I would like to start with the basics, since I have been asked to be specific.

The readings that were assigned to students were neither thought-provoking nor informative. They were controversial only in name, but the fine students in the Honors program have quickly realized that the department must pick readings at random, because such an eclectic repertoire could only be the result of lack of thought, and not careful consideration. Thus, it is my strong suggestion to implement a strict policy of "interesting-only" assignments. That way, at least we as students will be lucky enough to read something worth our while every so often. We are very fair judges, understanding that complete interest cannot be cultivated or expected from this "department" and expect only a few readings that will actually pique our intrigue. Thus, it would be in everyone's best interest to discontinue the laundry list of rejected philosophers and sociologists that we have been forced to swallow with our noses plugged.

Maybe someday someone will care about these readings, but for the present, there is nothing that could possibly describe the worthlessness that has been our companion one hour per week for the last fourteen weeks.

Hopefully, from our input the program can head toward a different direction and scrap the format altogether. It is neither beneficial for the students nor the teachers that only mildly care about the course.

Our time would be better spent sleeping or reading FMyLife.com, perusing YouTube, or even taking pictures of our fecal matter and sharing it in a discussion format once a week. At least that way, we learn something about each other instead of pretending to care about topics that deserve a much higher platform upon which to discuss.

I would also like to take this time to congratulate the department for sucking out any interest I may have once harbored for the pursuit of knowledge. It must have been a top priority because in my near two-decades of living, I have never lost motivation to question or argue. It is therefore an accomplishment both for the department and the university that I now do not give a penny's worth of scrotum sweat for Morality and Knowledge, the topic about which this class pretended to teach.

If you wish me to be more specific, please watch the film 300 (2007) directed by Zack Snyder. I believe that many viewings of the film will adequately convey the pain I've experience each time I walk laboriously to class. Do not be fooled by the hopeful tone of the film's ending, however, since the survivor is not you, but the students who arise out of the ashes and blood to tell others and warn them of the folly that is Honors Seminar.

To be even more specific, I am a child of immigrants who traipsed their way to America amidst a brutal civil war that tore apart a country. It is therefore not a small thing to say that, after taking this course, I almost feel like my parents experienced that horrendous journey from Vietnam in vain, because the sidewalks paved with gold have been replaced by sewers lined with urine and feces. As a matter of fact, even that metaphor for the dashed American Dream cannot adequately scribe the banality and violent uselessness that I was forced to sit through every week. Though I do not pretend to speak for all the students, I can personally say that I would have preferred an eternity of waterboarding than another minute in this class. I would also like to say that I will enthusiastically trade in my first three children in order to erase the memory of this class from my mind. I do hope the University of the Pacific can compensate for the many years of psychological doctoring that will be required from this traumatizing one-unit nightmare.

I don't even know if I can love after this.

True story: I once saw Lucifer walk into the classroom and leave within five minutes to vomit.

No, he didn't return.

In fact, the only enjoyable part of this course was the opportunity to summarize my thoughts on the incompetence that is the Honors Department during this evaluation.

I hope this has been helpful."




Wait.

These evaluations are anonymous, right?

The Hammer of Thor! (May 4)

The thought of failure is inevitably and inexorably instilled upon our bodies and souls. Evolutionarily, we have been physically set up to survive, our bodies nothing more than the sum of the parts that we use as a tool to ensure the survival of our species. Our minds and thoughts often care little more than survival, chemicals being freely transferred across our endocrine system and nervous system to coordinate our bodies to ourselves and other bodies. Our brain is the center of it all, cephalization ensuring our most important physical attribute goes protected.

And there is no profound argument that can claim we are more than animals, more than the rocks that we lightly throw and skim upon the surfaces of our reservoirs. There is nothing that can convince me that there is purpose, that there is something more than the physical world that matters. There is nothing that can claim with correct reasoning that humanity is somehow “different” than others, not in the physical sense, obviously. There is no argument that can possibly prove that humans are somehow “more important” than anything else in the grand scheme, long term existence.



Except for the argument of love.





Yes, I’m fuckin’ around. I hate finals.

Finals: The Last Stretch

You probably can't see the above image. Just click it and zoom in.


It is in times of trouble that I resign to blogging. Apparently, only in times of utmost stress do I feel a need to voice my worries. Perhaps blogging is the only technique by which I can relinquish my distress. Perhaps it is a conduit through which I tunnel my angst, my troubled woes, my boring complaints.

Or perhaps procrastination is a disease.

I like that idea! If procrastination is indeed a disease, what, then, would be the symptoms?
I've done much research on the topic (while I was supposed to be studying for finals), and I've come across some interesting things.
In order to be diagnosed medically for clinical procrastination, or I'll Do It Later syndrome (IDIL), the patient must meet 15 of 20 criteria.
For patients showing 0-4 symptoms, there can be no realistic method to treat them, for they cannot possibly have IDIL. Maybe they're just mentally unsound.
For patients exhibiting 5-9 of the following list, they can be diagnosed with Class 1 IDIL, which is the least severe of the IDIL classes.
Patients with 10-14 are considered Class 2 IDIL, and these patients are the most numerous in number.
Patients who meet 15-19 of the following have Class 3 IDIL Critical, or, as it is more commonly known, clinical procrastination (Procrastinalis Medicalis).
Patients exhibiting 20 of the symptoms have issues and should seek psychiatric help immediately...or whenever they get around to it...
Patients diagnosed with Class 1/2 IDIL can be prescribed certain medications, the most effective of which is "self-discipline", but "hard work" and "starting early" have been known to be very effective as well.
Patients diagnosed with Class 3 IDIL must be prescribed a new medication on the market called Focusine SR. Focusine SR should not be used during pregnancy, if heart conditions exist in the family or before sexual intercourse, all of which could lead to very awkward scenarios.

The criteria are as follows:
A. On school nights, patient sleeps later than 3AM regularly.
B. All-nighters are not a rare occurrence: Once a month or more.
C. All-nighters are not a rare occurrence: Once a week or more.
D. Patient logs onto Wikipedia at least once an hour.
E. 80% of tests taken require an all-nighter for which to study.
F. Patient refuses to write in Homework Notebook/Student Planner.
G. After putting off work to study for a test, leading to an all-nighter, patient does not "crash." Instead, patient procrastinates further by putting off sleep until much later.
H. Patient has shirt that says, "Procrastinators: Rulers of Tomorrow," or "Team Procrastination: Assembling Next Season," or something along those lines. Owners of such shirts should also check their funny bone, in case they are missing it.
I. Essays more than 6 pages in length require an all-nighter.
J. Essays more than 4 pages in length require an all-nighter.
K. Essays more than 2 pages in length require an all-nighter.
L. Any assignment that is called anything remotely sounding like "essay" requires an all-nighter. (i.e. Scientific Assays, Daily Short Answer (S.A.) Question, etc.)
M. Patient does not read prompt of assignments handed out months previously until a the night before assignment is due.
N. The first thing patient does before starting work is internet browsing.
O. The first site patient visits is Facebook.
P. Patient can easily browse Facebook for hours without questioning such browsing.
Q. Patient religiously reads buddies' Buddy Info/Away messages before starting work.
R. Patient Instant Messages friends complaining about workload before starting to do the actual workload.
S. At 3:30AM patient can be found blogging about procrastination.
T. Patient runs out of criteria for procrastination and promises to do it later. T.T