Finals: The Last Stretch

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It is in times of trouble that I resign to blogging. Apparently, only in times of utmost stress do I feel a need to voice my worries. Perhaps blogging is the only technique by which I can relinquish my distress. Perhaps it is a conduit through which I tunnel my angst, my troubled woes, my boring complaints.

Or perhaps procrastination is a disease.

I like that idea! If procrastination is indeed a disease, what, then, would be the symptoms?
I've done much research on the topic (while I was supposed to be studying for finals), and I've come across some interesting things.
In order to be diagnosed medically for clinical procrastination, or I'll Do It Later syndrome (IDIL), the patient must meet 15 of 20 criteria.
For patients showing 0-4 symptoms, there can be no realistic method to treat them, for they cannot possibly have IDIL. Maybe they're just mentally unsound.
For patients exhibiting 5-9 of the following list, they can be diagnosed with Class 1 IDIL, which is the least severe of the IDIL classes.
Patients with 10-14 are considered Class 2 IDIL, and these patients are the most numerous in number.
Patients who meet 15-19 of the following have Class 3 IDIL Critical, or, as it is more commonly known, clinical procrastination (Procrastinalis Medicalis).
Patients exhibiting 20 of the symptoms have issues and should seek psychiatric help immediately...or whenever they get around to it...
Patients diagnosed with Class 1/2 IDIL can be prescribed certain medications, the most effective of which is "self-discipline", but "hard work" and "starting early" have been known to be very effective as well.
Patients diagnosed with Class 3 IDIL must be prescribed a new medication on the market called Focusine SR. Focusine SR should not be used during pregnancy, if heart conditions exist in the family or before sexual intercourse, all of which could lead to very awkward scenarios.

The criteria are as follows:
A. On school nights, patient sleeps later than 3AM regularly.
B. All-nighters are not a rare occurrence: Once a month or more.
C. All-nighters are not a rare occurrence: Once a week or more.
D. Patient logs onto Wikipedia at least once an hour.
E. 80% of tests taken require an all-nighter for which to study.
F. Patient refuses to write in Homework Notebook/Student Planner.
G. After putting off work to study for a test, leading to an all-nighter, patient does not "crash." Instead, patient procrastinates further by putting off sleep until much later.
H. Patient has shirt that says, "Procrastinators: Rulers of Tomorrow," or "Team Procrastination: Assembling Next Season," or something along those lines. Owners of such shirts should also check their funny bone, in case they are missing it.
I. Essays more than 6 pages in length require an all-nighter.
J. Essays more than 4 pages in length require an all-nighter.
K. Essays more than 2 pages in length require an all-nighter.
L. Any assignment that is called anything remotely sounding like "essay" requires an all-nighter. (i.e. Scientific Assays, Daily Short Answer (S.A.) Question, etc.)
M. Patient does not read prompt of assignments handed out months previously until a the night before assignment is due.
N. The first thing patient does before starting work is internet browsing.
O. The first site patient visits is Facebook.
P. Patient can easily browse Facebook for hours without questioning such browsing.
Q. Patient religiously reads buddies' Buddy Info/Away messages before starting work.
R. Patient Instant Messages friends complaining about workload before starting to do the actual workload.
S. At 3:30AM patient can be found blogging about procrastination.
T. Patient runs out of criteria for procrastination and promises to do it later. T.T