Williams, Dunnigan, Colusa and Willows?

My parents are out of town this weekend, but while they're camping, they wouldn't dare miss mass on a weekend. As such, my mom has been texting me incessantly, making me look for Catholic churches in small towns around Sacramento. She's trying to find one on the way to the campsite.

She first asked about Williams, CA, then Dunnigan, then Colusa. When I finally found one in Colusa, Our Lady of Lourdes, I sent her the schedule. Knowing my parents well, I made a mental bet with myself that they would not have been down for the 10:30AM mass Sunday morning.

Regardless, I called Our Lady of Lourdes, just to double check the mass schedule. Most parishes have automated machines, but being a small parish in a small town, I didn't expect Colusa to have one.

I was right, and a kind lady picked up and informed me that mass was actually at 5PM and 10AM, meaning my parents definitely will not be visiting Colusa anytime soon. The lady also told me that the 10AM mass was Father Roy's last mass, so that made me scared that my parents would inevitably show up underdressed for a special mass. Thankfully, my mom then asked me to search for a church in Willows. God is definitely shining on Father Roy this weekend.

I find one in Willows, St. Monica Parish, and called them as well. It's a bit annoying how the online schedules aren't right. Well, I see the priest's name, Father Matthias O'Callaghan, and I thought, typical; an Irish priest. Then I thought, hey, I could have fun with this. I mean, they're never going to talk to me again, right? Why don't I ask them in an Irish accent? I could pull it off and they wouldn't know any better. Plus, it would make for a great story. What could go wrong, right?

Well, first, it was an automated machine that answered my call, so that killed my plans. However, the second revelation was much more plan-killing.

The voice on the machine had an Irish accent.

Oh, God of Irony, why do you mock me?