Birthday Blog

I guess now is as good a time to blog as any other. I've been watching movies again lately. For some reason, I've been gravitating toward animated films. I recently saw the Hayao Miyazaki classics, Nausicaa of the Valley of the Wind (1984) and Castle in the Sky(1986). I also watched The Girl Who Leapt Through Time (2006) and Bolt (2008). They were all good. I particularly enjoyed Nausicaa and The Girl Who Leapt Through Time for some reason. I didn't think the others were as good, but were still enjoyable. I might do reviews later. Anyways,

I'll start with last week. My father came to visit me in Stockton last Thursday. I had just woken up to his abrupt phone call.

"Andrew, I'm here."
Groggily, I replied, "K. Dad. Lemme get ready." Click.

I gathered my books and whatnot and joined him in the passenger seat of his pedophile/kidnapper white Nissan Quest van. My brother and I had merrily placed a "Mystery Spot" bumper sticker years ago on the back bumper so as to avoid the inevitable stares of passers-by who might find the van shady. Needless to say, the yellow sticker only made the van creepier.

But the creepiness wasn't new to me, as I walked down the stairs of my residence hall into the passenger seat of my dad's van. At this point, I was so tired that I delayed putting on the seatbelt. I just sat there lazily, body as exhausted as I usually feel when woken prematurely.

We got onto the street without any trouble, my seatbelt still unbuckled, and, talking sparsely as only father and son could, we continued driving. We came up to a stop sign and saw a police car parked, seemingly looking for stop sign-violators. My dad commented uneventfully, "Doesn't it seem like the police are everywhere?"

Before I could come up with a cynical I'm-tired-dad retort, I heard the saddening siren of a police car. I put on my seatbelt. I knew what was coming. We pulled over.

"I pulled you over," the police said callously, "because he wasn't wearing a seatbelt." He pointed to me.

"It's National Click-it-orTicket Week, so we are told to look out especially for seatbelt violations. How old are you, son?" the law enforcer asked.
"Eighteen," was my weak, and notably only possible, reply.
"I'll be right back."

I swear the whole time my dad was smiling as if he wanted to seduce the policeman out of a ticket. I myself am guilty of trying to laugh off the ticket. He came back.

"Sorry, officer," I said. "I'm still in college. You know how irresponsible I can be."
He laughed. "That is true. Let me see your license." I gave it to him.

I thought it was money in the bank at this point. Surely, he saw I was charming and couldn't possibly give me a ticket now. Still, a few more jokes wouldn't hurt.

"What's your address, Andrew?"
"My home address or my school address? Well, I can't really call it home since my parents kicked me out a long time ago. You can see why," I said, pointing to the seat belt.
He laughed really hard this time.
"Yep, those things are mighty inconvenient. I'll just use the address on your license."


And then I got a ticket.

The Secret Life of Daydreams

Overall, I had a horrible week.

My crappy bioinformatics report was due, and of course, I had to watch as much Avatar: The Last Airbender as I could before I started it. Needless to say, I stayed up late and missed all my classes. I actually think its the first time this semester I've missed all my classes.

I did make it to research, but everything was crappy cuz I asked someone else to do my assay for me the day before. So, frustrating.

Also, Sean was hospitalized. He busted his lip and chipped his tooth.

Eric Woo, his lovely roommate, called me that morning to make sure I told the TA's and teachers that neither of them would be able to make it to class. I obliged.

So Eric insisted I give Dr. Wrischnik his number to she could call him back to confirm his excuse. I went over to her research lab and found her talking to a student. Eventually, however, I was able to nab her attention.

"What can I do for you, Andrew?" she asked.

"Well, you know Eric Woo and Sean? They're roommates?" I asked back. She nodded. "Well, they're at the hospital right now."

She curled her lip so much I swear I thought she was on the verge of laughter. You know what I mean?

"What happened?" she asked, barely containing her laughter.

"Well, Sean slipped and fell this morning in the bathroom." No more smile. "And Eric accompanied him to the hospital. They should be back sometime today, but Eric insisted I leave his number so you could call him and tell him it's okay."

She got the number and I got a strange experience. Maybe I shouldn't say things so sardonically anymore. It was a serious situation...


Whatever.

Then I had the most ridiculous 3-text conversation with Paul. I called him and he texted me.

Paul: Hey, I'm in class. What do you want? I don't have a text plan so say it in one text.
Me: Oh, sorry dude. I was just wondering when you were going to get Sean cuz I wanted to go with you.
Paul: They're keeping him overnight. Don't reply to this text.


Easily, THE funniest text conversation I've ever had.

But no matter how crappy my week was, and still is, I was able to finish Avatar: The Last Airbender. FREAKIN' AMAZING. There are no words to describe the awesomeness that is that show....






Yes, I need a life.

Whisper

I've noticed that often that whenever my friends make racial references, they lower their voices, sometimes to a whisper.

I think it's hilarious.

Today I woke up in Eric Woo's bed. How weird. Don't tell him. He went down to SoCal for a weekend. Then I went to lunch, for which I rarely if ever wake up in time.

They had waffles.

Then I took a 10 minute nap waiting for my father to pick me up and take me home. Of course, I was so tired that I stayed asleep in the car. In fact, I slept happily for so long that the next person to use the car didn't bother to wake me up. So, I found myself in the parking lot of Jack in the Box while my brother dashed in for a burrito from La Victoria's.

At this point, I would like to note something interesting. I told my brother that I didn't want a burrito because I was tired. In essence, I chose sleep over food, while most people choose food over sleep. I passed up a chance for La Vic's to sleep for 10 more minutes. How ridiculous.

Not only that, but my lame-ass brother asked me to drive so he could munch on his burrito. So I made him give me a massive bite.

I love burritos.

Church

I really enjoy days like today. (Skip down for the summary of this post, so you don't have to read all of it, haha.)

Even though I woke up later than I should have (~2PM), I was able to tackle my studying (somewhat) and eat healthily (not really).

For my only meal of the day I had 2 Tiger Burgers (with cheese), 2 orders of onion rings (xxxtra grease) and an order of chicken tenders flanked by 3 cases of BBQ sauce. For a good 20 minutes, I thought I was going to die from eating too much. Then I got over it because eating too much is the absolute worst thing about which to bitch and moan. African kids starving and stuff.

But I think the most clarifying part of my day was going to church. Now, I rarely leave church with any sense of epiphanical (yes, it's a fake word) understanding. At best, I walk out of my pew and depart God's not-so-humble house with a sense of satisfaction, but this time was different somehow.

The priest, who I generally dislike, said a few things that rang a bit more powerfully than I expected. In between waking up Kim, I listened.

Fear of God, of disappointing God, will save you from hell. Avoiding sin, living a devout, moral and faithful life will definitely keep you out of the fiery pits, but any such life lived out of fear is incomplete, lacking full sincerity in our pursuit of true happiness. To feel remorse, or guilty, as Catholics so often do, is to be incomplete. Full contrition requires more than just guilt, more than faith, more than morality.

Morals and faith will keep you out of hell, but it will not necessarily thrust you beyond the gates of heaven. Jesus said that the greatest commandment is to love God with all your heart, soul, strength and mind; to love your neighbor as yourself. Like Descartes's infamously misquoted "I think; I am," this commandment is not separated in two parts.

It is often interpreted as loving God and then loving your neighbor. However, in truth, Jesus is saying that loving God fully is the same thing as loving your neighbor, and vice versa. If you love others wholeheartedly, then it means that you love God. Thus, it is not the fear of sin that saves, but rather, the love you have for humanity, and as a part of that, God. Only with love can the doors of heaven be opened to you.

God doesn't need your love. He isn't some egotistical yet emotionally insecure boyfriend who needs attention. Jesus tells us to love not for God's sake. We need to love for our own sakes. We need to love because in doing so, we make ourselves whole. We are one with each other and ourselves. Such wholeness, such perfection, IS heaven.

And if you don't believe in a "God" whom you can love, nor a "heaven" to which you can go after death, I tell you now: I agree. "Heaven" isn't a place to which we journey, nor is "God" a person to whom your love should be directed. Jesus himself said that the Kingdom of Heaven is on Earth, within you. It is a state of being when all is in perfection. Thus do we find God. Not a person, but a state of being.

Jesus didn't die thinking, "I'm going to save humanity because they're all sinners." Jesus died to show that he loved humanity as he loved himself, to show that it may even take death to love, but once dead, that love permeates and reverberates within himself and should be matched within all humanity. Yes, Jesus saved us, because he showed us that complete love is the only salvation.

So get rid of your conventional views of God and Jesus. We are all inherently equal in holiness because we are all born with the ability to love. The only thing that determines our salvation and our experience of heaven is our ability to continue that love. It's not about being moral, or about believing in "God." These things are human goals and only fulfill part of our spiritual entirety. They only get you out of hell, meaning the most you can be is content. Full happiness, or heaven, comes from selfless love.


Then, after church, I studied at the library, where I enjoyed storytime with Joe Park. Needless to say, not enough studying was done. That's why I'm up now, with Josh Espejo drooling on my pillow.

<3 genetics.






Summary:
God doesn't need our love. WE need our love. Faith and morals keep us from hell, but don't put us in heaven. Love puts us in heaven. God isn't a person, and Jesus isn't someone we worship. God is a state of being, and Jesus is the guy who gets it right. He isn't the Almighty in terms of universal power. He is the Almighty in terms of endless love. We don't worship Him. We just wanna be like him. We are saved not from our lack of sin, but from our ability to love wholeheartedly.

I sound like a douche, but I'm freakin' right about this. I know it.

So I continued my streak of late-night antics last night/this morning. Instead of playing endless hours of Word Challenge, I played endless hours of mafia. Not only that, but I treated this year's freshmen with a dose of snaps and Robin's 9 card game.

Robin's game is really good, actually. It had me for a while, but the second he did it yesterday, I figured it out. It was made much more enjoyable when the freshmen could NOT figure ANYTHING out. Especially snaps. Ohhhh man, were they stubborn.

We played mafia until a quarter before 6AM. You'd think that it would be time for me to sleep, right?

Well, yeah. Right. I went back to my room and headed straight to bed. However, upon laying in my bed, I realized something was amiss: I had no fu----' sheets. My laundry was still down in the basement.

Needless to say, I was too lazy to get it. So I went down, dried the load with my bedsheets and left the rest of my clothes in the dryer.

Then I rested my poor, heavy soul.

And woke up at 6:30PM today.

If it weren't for my two upcoming tests, this would have been one of the best weekends ever.

Instead, this has become one of those weekends that I ask myself many weeks later: What the fuck was I thinking?